Law & order: Celeb edition
For the family who lost their wife and mother — and for Alec Baldwin — we all feel terrible.
There are many times a celebrity has had a tough go. Simon Cowell’s home was visited by a serial burglar . . . As a teenage gas station attendant in Queens Ray Romano was robbed twice at gunpoint. His mother made him quit saying: “Work at a bank. That way when you’re robbed it’ll make news” . . . Sean Penn moved to San Francisco once when his then-missus Robin Wright was carjacked in Santa Monica . . . Christmas shopping in London Phil Collins, his wife and son were mugged. Stripped of cash and credit cards, her empty purse landed in a backstreet garbage bag.
Miley Cyrus’ estate in LA was visited by thieves . . . Aidan Quinn, walking in a not lush neighborhood, almost got totally done in by a street gang. “They obviously wanted to kill us” . . . Ashton Kutcher, in his own California restaurant, was robbed of cash, checks valuables from a safe and bottles of expensive wine . . . Rapper Foxy Brown’s earlobe was torn when her diamond earring was pulled off and her handbag heisted . . . Damon Wayans himself got busted and into a lockup when, a lot of stardom ago, he got caught stealing a taxicab.
Avril Lavigne had a stalker arrested after a yearlong hunt . . . Repeatedly stalked Neve Campbell hired bodyguards . . . We all know about Kim Kardashian in her Paris hotel room . . . And there was the time Spielberg won a restraining order against a stalker who claimed this fabulous director planted a mind-controlling microchip inside her brain.
Monopolizing the borough
Everything’s coming back. TV series, antique movies, old Broadway shows. In days of yore — before chess became a TV show — non-Chinese yentas were playing mahjongg and the big board game was Monopoly.
Monopoly never went away but faded about when skirt hems hit gynecological length. After Election Day comes its new big pushback. Its face will appear in a new re-juiced form. Still with the dice and paper money, but now the setup board is Brooklyn with the borough’s local landmarks, eateries, etc.
Those whose names shall only be whispered are hoping to grab some “Get Out of Jail Free” cards. Hey, let the games begin.
Time’s up!
Saying they’ll try Robert Durst for yet another murder? He’s already serving a life sentence. He’s got coronavirus. He’s in a medical unit. He’s extremely weak. Nobody cares about him but this is to tell authorities you’re a lifetime too late. He’ll never make it.
Booking it
Now, about life’s prettier things, read Jill Spalding’s book “Luxury: A History.”
It’s diamonds and Daimler’s, porcelain roses, a mantle made of 45,000 feathers, some crystal staircase, plus a $36 million teacup. It’s from Cleopatra to Kublai Khan. Another edition might include Jeff Bezos’ unmarried girlfriend’s wallet.
Sign on a someday future tombstone located on a someday future highway: “End of construction. Thanks for your patience.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
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October 26, 2021 at 05:34AM
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The many times celebrities have faced tough situations - New York Post
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